I know everything sucks.

I've been in hospital since the 3rd of January.
It's shit.

I discovered two days ago, in the midst of a member of staff shouting at me, that my discharge date is the 24th April. Definitely.
Until this morning. When I was told that the date has been moved to some time in May.
I want to be free, but at the same time I know I won't be OK if I go now.

But I can't talk. No matter how much I need to; No matter how hard I try; no matter who it is...
It's so frustrating. It's easier to do it through here than to say it out loud. But doing it like this doesn't relieve how I feel.
They don't believe that I'm actually trying.
They keep shouting at me for 'not trying'.
I am trying. I'm trying harder than ever before. But I'm failing. Like I always do. And the self harm is getting worse. Because I hate myself for being such a failure. For being so incapable of doing something so stupid as talking about my 'problems'. Whereas others...no,they can do it so goddamn easily. SHE can do it so easily. Yet goes on to me about how she 'can't talk' when she tells EVERYONE EVERYTHING about her 'problems'. Bullshit. She wants problems? She wants attention? She can have my fucking life. She can have my 'attention'. Not that there's any of the positive kind of that.

Am pissing off now.